Last year I remember being filled with such hope. The idea of moving to a new place and starting over gave me so much confidence and belief in myself I actually came out of hiding again.
I thought about all the hiking trips I would be able to take...I thought about the photographs, and artwork that would come from my experience...working, creating ....My friends and family would be proud of me again. I would have accomplished a goal: set myself free.
It all shattered though...I did not get any of the 7 jobs I applied for. The one I was most hoping for was in Montana. Bozeman...sitting high up in the mountains in a progressive art town...surrounded by beautiful mountains to explore...wow...I sure did a good job living in that dream...
Then thinking I would get a job at the ski school in Colorado teaching art...spending the days hiking, skiing with students...I really believed it would happen...too...
Even Maryland...with the excitement of DC nearby, the access to lower international airfares and one of my best friends in the whole world...the possibility I might even meet someone there. In such a large city, like Baltimore....surely there might be someone for me...beautiful, sense of adventure, literate, lover of art music, culture...but grounded enough not to float away...
When none of that worked out. I ran away for a few days, I turned off my phone, I didnt speak to anyone really either. I took off to Atlanta with Frank on an adventure. A quiet, hopeless adventure then did not involve sunlight or rain. My eyes glazed over. and Im trying to see things clearly again.
South Florida, Austin, New Mexico, Colorado....I guess this is my prayer to the universe.
Universe please provide me with the opportunites I seek....The courage to soar and the strength to carry on despite several years of disappointments.
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