The longest nightmare, am I in a coma?
I came home from work, I bought us dinner which I rarely eat now. It sucks.
Our house is hollow and the I love yous just echo in your absence
I keep saying them...sometimes in the truck at the top of my lungs
Like you could hear me
Or want to
I saw a picture of you and you look sad
I'm not sure you understand
Eveday when I have to be still it feels like someone is literally sacrificing my heart
Like that Indiana Jones scene or some ancient Mexican ritual
It tears at me,
And I howl...at the unseen fist or device that is wrenching and turning it
It Pulls and twist harder and harder
My eyes hurts from the constant salty stream.
I can't see things clearly.
 I thought it was because I was hungry
But then it was pointed out I havent gone a single day without enduring this torture
I have to relive it everyday.
That night you would not stop, that night you wanted to harm me to oblivion
That night you lied, and made me suffer in a space I never deserved to be in

I'd never hurt you like that
I'd never force you to suffer
I love you.

Any will to go on: Is lost.
automated crying man,
My heart my body they are disappearing in a bottle of antidepressants.
I can't bear morning, day or night. I just want to wake up
Sometimes my dreams I get to hold you again... maybe  that's reality
And I'm so happy I can't remember my nightmares.
 A kiss and
I can almost feel your ...
heartbeat
again
Then
I wake up to find the dents, and lines are still there...Hurry move before the..
waterworks
Red face puffy eyes starving. Purposeless, robot.
No one ever hurt me like this.
No one.

We dreamed together.
The love of my life, my partner, my heart.
I think too much of you holding a baby in your arms, sweet smiles and kisses.
My favorite place.  My furnace.
My companion.
The one I waited for my whole life to meet.
Gone